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      04-07-2019, 09:50 PM   #1
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Stuck in neutral with life....(need advice)

I've had some big surgeries in the past (2 transplants). In 99 and 08 is when the surgeries were performed. Moving straight forward, I'm 36 and still live home with my parents. I've been diagnosed with ADHD and depression when I was 20, and that hasn't helped me out in the least with exceling in life. I do see a psychiatrist, but since January he no longer takes my insurance. So, since January I haven't been able to find a psychiatrist I like and knows medications very very well. I don't have goals because I've never been able to concur them.
I've been a pharmacy tech since 06 and I'm ready for a change. The industry sucks due to corporate greed, insurance companies just want the small mom and pop stores gone. Last year, I applied to go back to community college and they let me back. I took a class and recieved an C for Fall term (I know the grade sux). I then signed up for Spring term, I'm now in a political science class and it's boring and I'm behind.I'm spinning my wheels, because with ADHD I can only handle one class and work full time.
I've reached out to the career center at school to see if they can help me. I took an assessment test and I see the career counselor this week. I'm not truly happy with where I'm at right now with life. Any input would be great, thank you.
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      04-07-2019, 09:55 PM   #2
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So...if you're not interested in the class you're taking...then you're going down the wrong path. Even if you finish school...is it a career you'd want?

What is it you like to do? Maybe a tech school where you're more hands on is a better path for you...
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      04-07-2019, 10:06 PM   #3
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So...if you're not interested in the class you're taking...then you're going down the wrong path. Even if you finish school...is it a career you'd want?

What is it you like to do? Maybe a tech school where you're more hands on is a better path for you...

I’m just trying to finish a AA degree (undecided major). I have 18 credits left. I know it makes no sense but I’m being honest.

I like to cook and work on cars, but I’m a firm believer I’m better than a blue collar job (no disrespect to anyone). I want to be able to make a decent living and be happy for once. Watching all my friends on Facebook have families and move forward with their lives makes me depressed. It’s like a slap in the face to me, so I’ve kept my distance from those people.
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      04-07-2019, 10:52 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by SixBanger View Post
I’m just trying to finish a AA degree (undecided major). I have 18 credits left. I know it makes no sense but I’m being honest.

I like to cook and work on cars, but I’m a firm believer I’m better than a blue collar job (no disrespect to anyone). I want to be able to make a decent living and be happy for once. Watching all my friends on Facebook have families and move forward with their lives makes me depressed. It’s like a slap in the face to me, so I’ve kept my distance from those people.
First step would be to get rid of Facebook and quit comparing your life to others. You don't know how they truly feel, they might be depressed about their life too.

Sounds like you are full of yourself and that's the real issue...

Nothing wrong with a blue collar job, plenty out there are well into the 6 figures. Maybe you are over thinking your life and that is causing your issues. You may be holding yourself back by having too lofty of goals. Who knows, you may be an excellent chef some day.

Think about getting out of your parents house, I mean you're 36, can't be good for them either. That alone would make me depressed.

I have plenty of friends that "look" like they are doing great but I know they are in an insane amount of debt. I have a blue collar job making 6 figures, 32, married, and almost have my house paid off. I don't fit the 400k in debt, 3 kids, look the American dream part like they do but it's my life and my dream. We're happy and that's all that matters. We have different goals that don't fit the norm and realize what actually makes us happy than chasing material things. I got rid of FB forever ago, waste of time, proven cause of depression, divorce, among other issues.

P.S. I've been through years of therapy from some major issues in my past too. It is hard finding someone you can trust and feel comfortable with. I talked with a local pastor who got me in touch with one that met my needs well. Now I'm all good where I'm at in life.

Wish you the best of luck!
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      04-08-2019, 08:23 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by Our03z4 View Post
First step would be to get rid of Facebook and quit comparing your life to others. You don't know how they truly feel, they might be depressed about their life too.

Sounds like you are full of yourself and that's the real issue...

Nothing wrong with a blue collar job, plenty out there are well into the 6 figures. Maybe you are over thinking your life and that is causing your issues. You may be holding yourself back by having too lofty of goals. Who knows, you may be an excellent chef some day.
Agree 100% Also stop using ADHD as an excuse. Does it make it more difficult to do certain things, sure. Does it make them impossible? Hell no. There are not that many people that truly enjoy their job and make good money, it is a give and take sometimes.
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      04-08-2019, 10:18 AM   #6
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I’m just trying to finish a AA degree (undecided major). I have 18 credits left. I know it makes no sense but I’m being honest.

I like to cook and work on cars, but I’m a firm believer I’m better than a blue collar job (no disrespect to anyone). I want to be able to make a decent living and be happy for once. Watching all my friends on Facebook have families and move forward with their lives makes me depressed. It’s like a slap in the face to me, so I’ve kept my distance from those people.
Get off Facebook. That place is a cesspool. You probably spend hours scrolling through nothing but garbage. Make it a goal to quit and report back to us by Friday.

Second of all, get off your high horse about not wanting a "blue collar job" and start focusing on a career path. I have a white collar job but often wish I had my own bakery. Life's too short about doing something you hate doing. That goes for your classes also.
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      04-08-2019, 11:13 AM   #7
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Keep doing the same thing, you will get the same results...

Sounds like you need to put yourself outside of your comfort zone and do something different.

Everything your describing is the stereotypical "career" path, you seem to be doing everything right. You got a descent job, going to school, saving money at home, finishing your degree, using the career center, etc... You need to disrupt the process!

Travel somewhere exotic, drive cross country, start a business, just do something different to end the cycle and see what happens. Best of luck!

Some REAL reading material, Your Welcome!
https://echelonfront.com/extreme-ownership/
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      04-08-2019, 11:19 AM   #8
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My uncle was a mechanic. He was a millionaire long before my lawyer father. Part of that was he got an earlier start on his first million by not having to spend so much time in school.
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      04-08-2019, 11:19 AM   #9
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I think avoiding your friends because you're perceiving their life to be better than yours isn't doing you any favors. If their lives are in fact better than yours (possible, but remember everyone has their own issues), then surrounding yourself with their company should help get you out of your rut. You are the average of the people you surround yourself with after all.

However, there is a difference between better and different. If their values and ethics don't align with yours then it's time to find new friends. I would suggest a church small group (believer or not), intramural sports, WoW club, car meets, etc, etc. There are apps like Meetup where random people just literally meet with each other.

Don't put too much thought into what people tell you, or what you tell yourself, about blue collar vs white collar. If you think you are destined for greater then shoot for the stars man.
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      04-08-2019, 11:22 AM   #10
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Get off social media, get a place away from mom and dad, rent a damn apartment with roommates, find a female, get a used bimr (fix er up)

Your punch list: some privacy, a woman, a fun car

My 2 cents... good luck


All can be had on a budget


Keeping busy helps
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      04-08-2019, 11:22 AM   #11
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Most people derive self-esteem from feeling like they are contributing to society in some fashion through their work. It doesn't matter whether it's "blue" or "white" or whatever collar. Part of your problem is that you seem to have some internal caste system through which you view others than makes you feel like you are less than successful because you don't see your work as measuring up.

Until that attitude changes, you will stay in the cycle you're in and you won't be getting much out of life. Further, the psychological overlay of shitty life syndrome aggravates and exacerbates actual health issues, contributing to your general malaise.

Get a new psychiatrist. Not because of your insurance issues, but because from your original post, this one hasn't actually helped you much. Knowing your history with meds is not a big deal, doctors can figure that out. If you can't find a psychiatrist, there are a lot of very good clinical psychologists who will be able to provide you with the counselling you need.
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      04-08-2019, 11:53 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Our03z4 View Post
First step would be to get rid of Facebook and quit comparing your life to others.
This is key.
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      04-08-2019, 12:15 PM   #13
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I have a white collar job but often wish I had my own bakery.
Yeah, because then you'd really be rolling in the dough....


OP - you can choose to let what is in the past define you, or you can do something different. But you aren't "too good" for a blue collar job. Nobody is. You need to find what you are strong at, and make that work for you.

If you like wrenching on cars, then switch your courses to be a mechanic. Work for someone else, learn the in and out of customer service, what you need, then start your own shop once you have a little saved up.

But doing the courses that you are doing, for no end goal - that is pointless and will put you further behind both from a time and money perspective.

If you do what you are good at, you can make a career out of it. You just have to figure out what that is, and how to market it to people.
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      04-08-2019, 12:26 PM   #14
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I'm no expert, but don't ADHD individuals tend to do better in blue collar jobs? Working with your hands and keeping busy.

and as said before, blue collar jobs can often pay really well, it's silly to look down on that thinking you are better when many blue collar workers are probably way better off than you.

Hard work can overcome most obstacles, sounds like you need some of it and less excuses.
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      04-08-2019, 12:42 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SixBanger View Post
I’m just trying to finish a AA degree (undecided major). I have 18 credits left. I know it makes no sense but I’m being honest.

I like to cook and work on cars, but I’m a firm believer I’m better than a blue collar job (no disrespect to anyone). I want to be able to make a decent living and be happy for once. Watching all my friends on Facebook have families and move forward with their lives makes me depressed. It’s like a slap in the face to me, so I’ve kept my distance from those people.
I just got back from visiting my nephew, his wife, and their new baby. He's a blue collar guy. He repairs industrial pumps for a living. It's hard work and it's dangerous. He busts his ass to provide for his family while you are 36, live at home, and are shopping for a shrink to solve your problems. Sorry man, but right now blue collar jobs and the people who work them are FAR above you.

Step 1 - Ditch the AA path. You're wasting your time and your parents money on something you aren't committed to. What's your plan when you get your AA degree? What doors will it open? Right, there's no plan on your part. So just drop the time wasting and move on.

Step 2 - Learn to work with your ADHD and not against it. What jobs could you take on and enjoy that allow you to be you?

Step 3 - Get out of your parents house. Unless you are truly disabled they are enabling you. The fact that you are on a BMW forum tells me they are enabling you. Man up and handle your business. You're 36. It's time to accept the hand in life you've been dealt. People with far greater disabilities than you make it happen. You can too.

Sorry for the tough love, but not sorry. You need it.
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      04-08-2019, 12:44 PM   #16
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Thank you all for your support and information. This is why I posted this here. ADHD, makes anything everything harder on me. From here, I'll see what the career center says what I'm really good with. My class ends in May and I have 3 papers due and a quiz. I have yet to study, because I've been worried about other stupid bullshit. There's no doubt discipline is lacking a little and I need a need a wake up call. However, with the depression and ADHD it just kills my motivation and it hurts. I see a new psych on the 15th of this month. Wish me luck and I'll follow-up on here in a couple weeks with what I've decided. Thank you all again.
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      04-08-2019, 12:56 PM   #17
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Thank you all for your support and information. This is why I posted this here. ADHD, makes anything everything harder on me. From here, I'll see what the career center says what I'm really good with. My class ends in May and I have 3 papers due and a quiz. I have yet to study, because I've been worried about other stupid bullshit. There's no doubt discipline is lacking a little and I need a need a wake up call. However, with the depression and ADHD it just kills my motivation and it hurts. I see a new psych on the 15th of this month. Wish me luck and I'll follow-up on here in a couple weeks with what I've decided. Thank you all again.
In all honesty, I feel like a lot of the issues probably stem from the depression aspect of it. Having dealt with it a little bit, and seeing others fully engulfed by it (and the ultimate end result of it), it is absolutely no joke and can wreak havoc on your life if you let it.

The only thing I can offer is that if you really want to turn your life around and get out of that rut, you actually have to REALLY WANT to do it. I know that sounds stupid and simple to say, but your desire to want to go further in life has to be stronger than the depression, otherwise you'll be stuck continuously spinning your wheels, so to speak. I was there for 2 1/2 years in my early/mid 20s so I know the feeling.

Do what you can to put yourself out of your comfort zone and just put your head down and work your ass off, at whatever it is you're doing. Find some way to let out your stress and clear your head too. Mine used to be soccer and running but life ended that with knee issues and auto-immune problems so now I'm at the gym and on the bike every day. Having an outlet of some kind is a life-saver.

Also remember that there is no "path" or "time table" for life. Comparing yours to everyone else's will do nothing but make the depression worse. Everyone does things on their own time, but you have to want to do them too. Living at home and just going through the motions isn't the answer. Good luck with everything though, and I hope you find a path forward!
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      04-08-2019, 01:02 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by tdott View Post
I'm no expert, but don't ADHD individuals tend to do better in blue collar jobs? Working with your hands and keeping busy.

and as said before, blue collar jobs can often pay really well, it's silly to look down on that thinking you are better when many blue collar workers are probably way better off than you.

Hard work can overcome most obstacles, sounds like you need some of it and less excuses.
I'm 36 too, diagnosed with ADHD @ 16, had twin girls @ 17, I was a mess (fck Ritalin)

With bipolar disorder I had depressive LOWS to manic HIGHS

Being a father I now had to Cowboy Up, started focusing on My kids (future) dropping out of high school I had to make income, so I learned a trade, started doing well thankx to in part of my ADHD, good reputation started to pay off (good income)

I still hate fishing, I can't finish a game of golf but what ever, majority of my friends are similar we use the hand were dealt with best we can.

If your ugly and or overweight, get a hair cut, get a manicure buy some decent clothes GET fit, go on a low carb diet (firm up) (feel better about your self) get a lady or dude? Start checking off your to do list 1 by 1, I mean just chip away at your goals
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      04-08-2019, 01:12 PM   #19
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It seems to me completing the courses to have an Associate Degree along with being a Pharmacy Tech is a nice accomplishment and looks good on applications and education history.

As far as living w/parents, if your saving your money. And damn I can’t tell you how many men and women I talk to wish they had never gotten married or got involved with another person, or even gotten the home they have. https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-...-than-partners.

And I know a lot car techs that complain the industry is harsh and employers have no loyalty since there is such a large work pool to pick from.
The career counselor may enlighten you to a new career path. Sixbanger seems pretty busy with work and school so I’m not so sure any drastic changes are required.
I think being in your thirties is a nice time in your life to start a new income path.

I believe I recall an earlier post by sixbanger where he brought up the same conversation. Glad your still doing the pharmacy thing.

Last edited by overcoil; 04-08-2019 at 03:48 PM..
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      04-08-2019, 01:21 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SixBanger View Post
I’m just trying to finish a AA degree (undecided major). I have 18 credits left. I know it makes no sense but I’m being honest.

I like to cook and work on cars, but I’m a firm believer I’m better than a blue collar job (no disrespect to anyone). I want to be able to make a decent living and be happy for once. Watching all my friends on Facebook have families and move forward with their lives makes me depressed. It’s like a slap in the face to me, so I’ve kept my distance from those people.
Everyone’s life has a different path and you can’t compare yours to everyone else’s. It’s hard to do, but it’s something that is achieved over time.

Regarding the blue collar worker comment, there’s nothing degrading about being a mechanic. It’s primarily about location when it comes to this job. My brother lives in crossville, tn. He was a mechanic down here in Florida barely making 40k a year. Doing the exact same thing in tn, he made 85k last year. A mechanic, making 85k in a year. I didn’t think it was possible without being specialized, but with his certifications and location, working at a general mechanic store (not a dealer or some specialty shop) he made a killing. He has a wife and 4 kids, bought his first house, and almost done paying off his debts. He didn’t go to school, he just learned the trade and became really good at it.

You can do the same thing. Like others have mentioned, maybe college isn’t the path for you. Look into trade schools. And if you decide you still want to do college and get a degree, use your last few credits to take classes to fill electives in different areas and see what sparks your interests. I got my AA degree before getting a secondary AS and subsequent BS in information systems management. I thought I wanted to be a computer engineer, so I took physics classes and the calf sequence and found I hate those classes. So I looked into computer science and did some programming. Found I hated that as well, but did a little “programming” with networking at the same time. Really enjoyed that and pursued it. I’ve been a network engineer for the USAF and got my experience in active duty.

Bottom line is this. You have to find what you enjoy doing and that’s the path for you. Look past the social standing of jobs and realize everyone is part of the bigger picture and contribute to society in different, unique ways that without them entirely the society would break down in its current state and would have to adapt in another way.
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      04-08-2019, 01:45 PM   #21
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I'm 36 too, diagnosed with ADHD @ 16, had twin girls @ 17, I was a mess (fck Ritalin)
I didn't realize pregnancy was one of the side effects! Guess I dodged a bullet.
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      04-08-2019, 02:41 PM   #22
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So no one told you life was gonna be this way...
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