03-21-2024, 04:36 PM | #1387 |
Major General
42196
Rep 7,224
Posts |
Two Cadillac drivers got in a fender-bender, got out of their cars, and then started yelling at each other.
Within a few seconds, they were in a fistfight. I guess you could say things Escaladed quickly.
__________________
|
03-21-2024, 07:06 PM | #1388 |
Major General
13103
Rep 5,117
Posts |
It was a custody hearing. The child was a teenager and able to express his own opnion.
He didn''t want to live with his mother as she was prone to thrashing him. What about the father then ? Sorry, he beat me too. Any other relatives ? Only an aunt and she beat him harder than his parents. The judge committed the lad to the care of the England football team, as he was satisfied they would never beat anyone |
Appreciate
6
|
03-22-2024, 02:41 PM | #1389 |
Major General
42196
Rep 7,224
Posts |
There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals.
Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." One of the guys said, “of course I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N" she answered.
__________________
|
03-23-2024, 06:40 AM | #1390 |
General
58881
Rep 19,245
Posts |
A chap returned to the hotel he was staying at after a drinking session in a pub and went to the front desk telling the receptionist he doesn't remember what room he's in.
She replied ''No problem, you're in the lobby''. |
03-23-2024, 07:59 AM | #1391 |
Captain
16841
Rep 872
Posts |
Life is like a penis.
It's short. It hangs out. It's simple. And then a woman makes it hard.
__________________
Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
Last edited by Buug959; 03-23-2024 at 08:08 AM.. |
Appreciate
5
|
03-24-2024, 12:23 PM | #1392 |
Major General
42196
Rep 7,224
Posts |
A guy walks in to a bar with his dog. He puts the dog on the bar and says to the bartender “this is the smartest dog in the world. I bet five dollars that you can ask him any thing and he will tell you the right answer.”
So the bartender said “all right. What is 10+11+13.” The dog said “34.” "Wow, he got it right." said the bartender. So, he handed over the 5 dollar bill. Then the guy said “don’t let my dog go anywhere, I have to use the bathroom.” So he hands the dog the 5 dollars to hold while he was in the bathroom. The bartender and the dog were having a conversation with each other so the bartender says “if your so smart go down the road and get me a newspaper.” So the dog goes out the door then the guy comes out of the bathroom. He couldn’t see his dog so he asks the bartender where the dog was. The bartender tells the guy “the dog went to get me a newspaper.” The guy throws a fit that the bartender let the dog leave. So the guy goes out to find his dog. He looked all over until he saw his dog in an alley making love to a poodle. The man says "what are you doing? You have never done this before.” The dog says “I have never had 5 dollars before either.”
__________________
|
03-25-2024, 05:00 PM | #1395 |
Captain
16841
Rep 872
Posts |
Did you hear about the man who was visited by a clock?
No, I didn't. What happened? His time had come.
__________________
Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
|
Appreciate
5
|
03-26-2024, 01:47 PM | #1396 |
Major General
42196
Rep 7,224
Posts |
A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing-eye dog.
He stands in the middle of the bar, takes the dog by the collar, and starts swinging him in a circle. Everyone stops and stares. Upset about the way the animal is being treated, a patron runs up to the blind man and demands “what the hell are you doing?” The blind man turns toward the patron and says “oh, nothing, just having a look around."
__________________
|
Appreciate
1
Andrew2166.50 |
Post Reply |
Bookmarks |
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
|
|