XBimmers.com | BMW X6 Forum X5 Forum
 
TireRack





Go Back   XBimmers.com | BMW X6 Forum X5 Forum > BIMMERPOST Universal Forums > Off-Topic Discussions Board

Post Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
      03-21-2024, 04:36 PM   #1387
Esteban
Major General
Esteban's Avatar
United_States
42196
Rep
7,224
Posts

Drives: a slow car fast
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: SoCal

iTrader: (0)

Two Cadillac drivers got in a fender-bender, got out of their cars, and then started yelling at each other.

Within a few seconds, they were in a fistfight. I guess you could say things Escaladed quickly.
__________________
Appreciate 5
Buug95916841.00
vreihen1614886.50
KRS_SN13103.00
Soul_Glo13284.00
Llarry14483.50
      03-21-2024, 07:06 PM   #1388
KRS_SN
Major General
KRS_SN's Avatar
United Kingdom
13103
Rep
5,117
Posts

Drives: IX,G07
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Glasgow

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
2020 X7  [10.00]
X5  [8.50]
IX  [8.00]
It was a custody hearing. The child was a teenager and able to express his own opnion.

He didn''t want to live with his mother as she was prone to thrashing him.

What about the father then ? Sorry, he beat me too.

Any other relatives ? Only an aunt and she beat him harder than his parents.

The judge committed the lad to the care of the England football team, as he was satisfied they would never beat anyone
Appreciate 6
Esteban42196.00
Buug95916841.00
vreihen1614886.50
Llarry14483.50
Soul_Glo13284.00
Andrew2166.50
      03-22-2024, 02:41 PM   #1389
Esteban
Major General
Esteban's Avatar
United_States
42196
Rep
7,224
Posts

Drives: a slow car fast
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: SoCal

iTrader: (0)

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals."

One of the guys said, “of course I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N" she answered.
__________________
Appreciate 3
Buug95916841.00
Soul_Glo13284.00
R BMW940.50
      03-23-2024, 06:40 AM   #1390
M5Rick
General
M5Rick's Avatar
58881
Rep
19,245
Posts

Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Southern England

iTrader: (0)

A chap returned to the hotel he was staying at after a drinking session in a pub and went to the front desk telling the receptionist he doesn't remember what room he's in.
She replied ''No problem, you're in the lobby''.
Appreciate 2
Buug95916841.00
vreihen1614886.50
      03-23-2024, 07:59 AM   #1391
Buug959
Captain
Buug959's Avatar
Ukraine
16841
Rep
872
Posts

Drives: 335xi E90, GMC Sierra, VW Golf
Join Date: Jun 2020
Location: Nova Scotia

iTrader: (0)

Life is like a penis.
It's short.
It hangs out.
It's simple.

And then a woman makes it hard.
__________________
Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!

Last edited by Buug959; 03-23-2024 at 08:08 AM..
Appreciate 5
KRS_SN13103.00
Esteban42196.00
R BMW940.50
Andrew2166.50
      03-24-2024, 12:23 PM   #1392
Esteban
Major General
Esteban's Avatar
United_States
42196
Rep
7,224
Posts

Drives: a slow car fast
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: SoCal

iTrader: (0)

A guy walks in to a bar with his dog. He puts the dog on the bar and says to the bartender “this is the smartest dog in the world. I bet five dollars that you can ask him any thing and he will tell you the right answer.”

So the bartender said “all right. What is 10+11+13.”

The dog said “34.” "Wow, he got it right." said the bartender. So, he handed over the 5 dollar bill.

Then the guy said “don’t let my dog go anywhere, I have to use the bathroom.”

So he hands the dog the 5 dollars to hold while he was in the bathroom. The bartender and the dog were having a conversation with each other so the bartender says “if your so smart go down the road and get me a newspaper.” So the dog goes out the door then the guy comes out of the bathroom. He couldn’t see his dog so he asks the bartender where the dog was.

The bartender tells the guy “the dog went to get me a newspaper.”

The guy throws a fit that the bartender let the dog leave. So the guy goes out to find his dog. He looked all over until he saw his dog in an alley making love to a poodle. The man says "what are you doing? You have never done this before.”

The dog says “I have never had 5 dollars before either.”
__________________
Appreciate 4
KRS_SN13103.00
Buug95916841.00
2000cs3447.00
Soul_Glo13284.00
      03-25-2024, 12:25 PM   #1393
Soul_Glo
Major General
Soul_Glo's Avatar
United_States
13284
Rep
7,483
Posts

Drives: G20
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Manhattan, NYC

iTrader: (1)

🦈
Attached Images
 
Appreciate 4
R BMW940.50
Esteban42196.00
Buug95916841.00
M5Rick58881.00
      03-25-2024, 03:52 PM   #1394
Buug959
Captain
Buug959's Avatar
Ukraine
16841
Rep
872
Posts

Drives: 335xi E90, GMC Sierra, VW Golf
Join Date: Jun 2020
Location: Nova Scotia

iTrader: (0)

I
Attached Images
 
__________________
Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
Appreciate 3
vreihen1614886.50
KRS_SN13103.00
M5Rick58881.00
      03-25-2024, 05:00 PM   #1395
Buug959
Captain
Buug959's Avatar
Ukraine
16841
Rep
872
Posts

Drives: 335xi E90, GMC Sierra, VW Golf
Join Date: Jun 2020
Location: Nova Scotia

iTrader: (0)

Did you hear about the man who was visited by a clock?

No, I didn't. What happened?

His time had come.
__________________
Wha' da ya mean? No brakes never stopped anyone before!
Appreciate 5
Esteban42196.00
KRS_SN13103.00
M5Rick58881.00
Andrew2166.50
BMWGUYinCO4049.00
      03-26-2024, 01:47 PM   #1396
Esteban
Major General
Esteban's Avatar
United_States
42196
Rep
7,224
Posts

Drives: a slow car fast
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: SoCal

iTrader: (0)

A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing-eye dog.

He stands in the middle of the bar, takes the dog by the collar, and starts swinging him in a circle.

Everyone stops and stares.

Upset about the way the animal is being treated, a patron runs up to the blind man and demands “what the hell are you doing?”

The blind man turns toward the patron and says “oh, nothing, just having a look around."
__________________
Appreciate 1
Andrew2166.50
      Today, 10:24 AM   #1397
M5Rick
General
M5Rick's Avatar
58881
Rep
19,245
Posts

Drives: M5 F10 DCT Gunmetal
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Southern England

iTrader: (0)

What will you find on an electric bus?
A conductor.
Appreciate 1
vreihen1614886.50
Post Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:01 PM.




xbimmers
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
1Addicts.com, BIMMERPOST.com, E90Post.com, F30Post.com, M3Post.com, ZPost.com, 5Post.com, 6Post.com, 7Post.com, XBimmers.com logo and trademark are properties of BIMMERPOST