Thanks for the counselling everyone - really.
I can't claim to be a saint at all, but I don't think I'm a bad guy. I've done nothing 'wrong' in this relationship - no cheating or anything like that. Well, she wants to stay with me and she specifically wanted me to be the father of her children (I literally asked her that when she wanted to have another), so I can't be terrible in her view.
Her childhood was her halcyon days - she loves to go back to her parents house etc... I can't see that there's anything traumatic there. Maybe that's the problem!? I've thought about what the problem might be a lot (too much!) and can reach no conclusion.
That's my thoughts exactly about the situation - I could have got a hug from almost anyone (pre-pandemic) if I was to ask, but she didn't want to. I get on better with my friends, and at times I've got more affection from them too...just not in any sort of romantic way. Hell, I'm getting more support from you good people who I've never met, or even seen!
I really hope I can help/persuade her to get whatever help she needs. But her solution to feeling bad is to withdraw. She hasn't talked to anyone about our relationship problems, that I know of, for example. I talk to anyone who will listen
I still think she's an amazing person...I just missed/ignored any warning signs early on I guess.
I hope your friends are managing to part ways peacefully. Got to be painful for them and awkward for you.