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OP - I would probably escalate and ask them to pull the recorded calls and honor what their reps told you.
Even if what you were told is not legally correct, I would expect most companies would do the right thing in this situation, but you have to get in touch with the right person at BMW. Especially given that you are a current customer.
I believe that - given the estate laws in each state, they may be able to collect on that at all. (Given that your dad doesn't seem to have an estate outside of his residence) But I'm not a lawyer, no idea.
If you haven't already, I would avoid getting lawyers involved as long as you can. They will have procedures they have to follow and you may not have any recourse at all.
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