I don't think you're being a troll - nothing wrong with not liking a certain vehicle, though you did conclude your post that you'd still be getting one
I agree with you on the new F15 - the interior is much nicer & more modern than the E70's, but I'm not much for the exterior…really just the front end. Though that gripe is not F15 specific, I'm personally not a big fan of the front end on any of the latest BMW designs.
86 in the 1/4, is that right? Our friends have a 2014 X35D which I took for a quick spin and it had a ton of power, certainly enough to swat away a Civic.